


Withdrawal

by Samaelcholo



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Overlord Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Platonic Relationships, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, pornstar alastor, swap au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samaelcholo/pseuds/Samaelcholo
Summary: A swap AUAlastor is hells most popular pornstarAngel is a mob boss overlord, Husk is obsessed with cleaning, Nifty is grumpy and Vaggie started a redemption hotel with her supportive princess girlfriend.It’s mainly focused on Alastor trying to go clean and angel being begrudgingly supportive
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	1. Promoting gloating

**Author's Note:**

> Charlie and Vaggie swap  
> Alastor and Angel swap  
> Husk and Nifty swap  
> Rosie is Al’s best friend and everyone else is basically just in the background or hardly mentioned
> 
> The first chapter won’t be a redo of the pilot, those events already happened in the story, so it starts right after that- cause I’m lazy

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” Charlie said, reading the colorful flyer her girlfriend just handed her. 

“What do you mean? Of course it’s a good idea! How else will people stay if we don’t come to them first?”

The princess smiled at her eccentric girlfriend, handing the paper back. 

“Why don’t we wait, if people want to stay we should give them a choice rather than going directly to them. Besides, we need to be here for watching the hotel, we can’t leave those two alone” 

Charlie wasn’t too concerned with leaving husk and nifty alone at the establishment, the two stayed to their places, nifty sitting grumpily at the bar and husk somewhere upstairs, probably cleaning. Her main concern was leaving Alastor and Angel alone. The deer continued to pester the mob boss, and if the couple were to leave to seek out potential clients, she feared they’d come back to the place completely destroyed. Vaggie turned around and smiled worriedly. “I guess your right.” She said, turning back to face the princess. 

“Well, maybe we don’t have to go person to person. I’m sure lots of sinners want to be redeemed, we just have to wait.” Charlie nodded, smiling at the moth. 

“You don’t quit do ya?” Angel said irritatedly, sitting at the bar, a glass of scotch in his top left hand, his other pinching his eyebrows together. 

Alastor grinned and leaned closer the the spider, ears flickering around. 

“Is that a maybe..?” He asked, smile widening. Angel growled and slammed his hand on the bar, startling nifty, who cursed and glared at the overlord. Alastor flinched and jolted back, eyes wide and smile small. 

“I said, _No_.” Angel growled lowly, his accent showing. 

Alastor smiled despite his nerves, ears twitching back at the tone of voice. He kept up his nonchalant act, shrugging and sipping his martini until the spider downed the rest of his drink and stood, walking off upstairs, his pink pinstriped suit darkening in the shadows of the hall. When the spider was gone Alastor took a breath, willing his body to stop with the mild tremors. He’d be lying if he said yelling if any kind didn’t startle him a bit.. well, a little more than a bit, it reminded him of Vox, and he didn’t like that at all.   
Speaking of which, he had a deadline. The TV overlord told him to make up the for the time he missed staying at the hotel on the corner he’d dropped him off at. He shivered at the thought of making him angry, he was already getting a headache from the lack of drugs in his system. He finished off his drink and thanked nifty quietly, standing up swiftly and walking to the door. 

“Where do you think your going?” Charlie asked. 

“Vox said I have to work extra, and he’s picking me up at 10, so I’m leaving.” He explained, groaning softly at the look of suspicion on the princesses face.

“Fine, but you need to come back when your finished. This is the last time you can go out for stuff like that.” 

Alastor nodded, not really taking what the demon princess said seriously. He’d go out when he damn well pleased.   
He walked out the door, straightening out his burgundy button up, the first two buttons undone to show his chest. He fluffed up his hair a bit, his crimson stiletto boots clicking on the sidewalk as he headed down to his usual corner. He stopped and leaned against a large musky building, looking around for potential customers.

Charlie pinned up another flyer on the bulletin board just near the middle of pentagram city, where most new demons fall. Her and Vaggie had came to an agreement- they’d go out and pin up a bunch of flyers sporting the name and address of the hotel, instead of going demon to demon, saving them lots of time and effort. They only headed out once they knew for sure Angel would watch over the hotel, telling him to call if anything happened.   
They had been gone a few hours now and hadn’t received such a call, but Charlie was still a little suspicious. How well could they trust the mob boss overlord? They’d just met him a few hours ago, after all.

“Okay, I think thats about enough for this part of the city, how about we head near the news station?” Vaggie suggested happily, snapping the princess out of her thoughts, a large smile on her face, arms full of colorful paper and tape. 

“That’s a good idea. Let’s go.” Charlie said, turning to her girlfriend with a smile. 

The previously bright red sky was starting to darken, every few minutes a demon would plummet to the ground, leaving holes in the streets from the impact. car horns blared and people yelled, road rage was common in hell, of course. The neon lights of the buildings all around the city corner he stood at made his head hurt, the lack of PCP making it harder to focus on his task, not that mindless Overpriced sex with strangers required a lot of thinking. He didn’t like to just stand around and make money like this, he was a slut, a stripper, but he wasn’t a hooker. He sighed, leaning his head on the wall of a building, looking at the dimming sky.   
Alastor left at 6, and it was now 9:57. Vox would be here in three minutes and he was no where near close to making up the money he needed. He looked around, hoping to find someone wanting a quick rump, to no avail. His ears drooped and he groaned irritatedly, he was _screwed_. 

Maybe he could sneak away and stay at the hotel until he made up the money? Charlie would stop Vox from taking him right? She was the princess after all, but he was in a contract... he took to long, and Vox’s shiny black limo pulled up to the corner. Alastor’s smile dropped and he froze, panic flooding him. The tinted windows rolled down revealing a very pissed off Vox. 

“You’d better have reached your quota, because I’m in a seriously bad mood.” He growled out, not breaking eye contact with the stag. 

“I- uh, well...” 

Vox groaned loudly, his irritation evident. 

“ _ **Get**_. **_In_**.”

“How are you, nifty?” 

The cyclops offered a few incoherent word before mumbled a grump “fine”

“That’s great, have you seen husk around?” Angel asked, looking around the now very clean lobby. 

“The kitchen.” She offered, taking a swig of her drink and pointing to the door near the bar. 

“Thank you.” He said, sitting up and walking to the kitchen, only to stop at a realization. It was very quite here, no giggles, no talking, and shouting, there wasn’t even any soft radio static or dumb jokes and flirts. 

“Where is the pornstar?” Angel asked the girl, turning back around. Nifty shrugged, not bothering to look up from the glass she was cleaning.

“Helpful.” He mumbled to himself, walking up the stairs, whatever he was going to ask the winged cat now forgotten. 

He walked to the deers door and knocked, stepping back when the door opened, it not being closed correctly. The light was off and the room was cold and empty. He flicked the lights on and looked around the red room. There was a black vanity against the wall, and near that a window with bright red curtains. The bed covered in an unnecessary amount of fluffy pink, red and white pillows was in the middle of the room, with a closet full of different outfits on the opposite wall and a dresser beside it. In the corner of the room, near the open bathroom door was a small pink fluffy bed, a small pig lay on top, it raised its head at the sound of the door opening, giving a small oink before laying its head back down upon seeing the overlord and not the pornstar. There was a fluffy bright red carpet on the floor matching the curtains, and the vanity was covered messily with makeup products and articles of clothing, a small radio sat at the end of it, buzzing softly. The room was severely lacking an annoying deer, and Angel sighed, having wasted his time. He walked further into the room, curious as to what it held. He opened the drawers to the dresser, scanning its contents. He grimaced at the “toys” it contained, and shut it, opening the second one to find the same contents, full of collars and handcuffs. He gagged and closed them, not wanting to see anymore. 

He walked over to the vanity, picking up an empty syringe that lay near the radio. He tossed it in the trash nearby and frowned. The room was a bit of a mess, things strewn about it what seemed to be a hurry. There where razors and syringes all around the room, though you could really only spot them if you looked. He threw every one he saw away, for what reason, the overlord couldn’t place, he just felt strangely compelled to. 

He sighed and walked out, turning the light off and closing the door softly, stepping away once it clicked. 

It was nearly eleven, he wondered where the stag had gone off to, not that he _cared_. He was just curious. 

“We’re home!~” Vaggie shouted in a sing song voice downstairs. Angel sighed softly and made his way down, smiling at the two women. He would have to put yen deer out of his thoughts for now, there were more important things he had to deal with currently 

“Welcome back ladies.”


	2. Lights, Camera, Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for non consensual acts i.e. rape and sexual abuse

“Allie I have you simple instructions, how is it so hard to stand on the corner and make me money? All you had to do was stand there, how is that so difficult for you? Are you that stupid?” The overlord shouted at the deer, pacing back and forth, his fur coat swaying as he moved. 

Alastor sat on the sticky leather couch in Vox’s office, his thighs pressed together and hands in his lap, his head down as he listened to his boss. 

“It won’t happen again, I promise.” He said, looking up at the angry demon. 

“Why can’t you just do as your told? You always get distracted, and with what, that stupid hotel? You have no reason to be there, you stay with me, not some lesbians!”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Vox stopped his pacing and looked down on the stag. 

“Is sorry going to make me money? No, it’s isn’t, so shut your tiny mouth and go to your dressing room, we’re shooting today and you’d better be ready in twenty minutes or your punishment will be far worse.” 

Alastor went rigid and stood hastily, walked out the office with a grimace. 

“Yes, daddy.”

Vox didn’t reply, so Alastor headed to his room to get ready, not wanting to anger the TV demon further. 

He shook from the withdrawal and fear, he hadn’t gotten a good fix in days, the only thing he had been able to get was the small doses Vox had giving him, barely enough to keep him going. 

He quickly got ready, sitting at his desk, fixing his makeup in front of the large vanity mirror. 

He changed and took a few deep breaths to calm his shaking, his heart beating so fast he felt it might burst. 

A knock at the door made him jump and he stood, opening it. 

“Vox is ready for you on set 2.” One of the overlords assistants said to him, clipboard in hand and a tired expression on their face. Alastor nodded curtly, mumbling a quiet thank you before heading to the assigned film set, his ears pressed far back uneasily and despite his best efforts to keep them perked and still, they twitched nervously. 

“Where is Alastor?” Vaggie said, lookingaround the lobby. Her and Charlie sat on the couch near the entrance, going over their promotion plans. Charlie didn’t notice the deer was gone until vaggie mentioned it. She looked up, a bit confused as she looked around the room with squinted eyes. 

“Strange. I’d assumed he’d be back by now, it’s quite late.” Charlie mused, looking at the spider by the bar, a glass In his hand. 

“What?” The mob boss asked, giving the princess an odd look. 

“Has Alastor come back yet?” Vaggie asked, looking a bit worried. 

“No.” The overlord supplied, taking a tentative sip of his scotch. 

“He’s probably working still, he’ll be back, I’m sure.” Charlie said, giving her girlfriend a soft smile. Vaggie looked a bit uneasy, but turned back to the paperwork in front of them despite it. 

“Your probably right.”

Angel turned away from the girls, drinking his drink thoughtfully. He assumed Alastor had gone back to Vox, the overlord in charge of all adult film studios around Pentagram City. Angel had crossed his path a few times, and the TV headed demon was no pleasure. He felt a stab of remorse in his cold dead heart for the deer, knowing that the overlord could be quite harsh. Despite these thoughts, he knew he shouldn’t care. He downed the rest of his scotch, turning to face nifty and ordered another drink. 

“No no no! Alastor your not focusing! Stop looking away and keep eye contact!” Vox yelled, tossing the scrip on the floor angrily. “This is the sixth take goddamnit!”

Alastor flinched, looking up at his boss. 

“I’m trying, I just really need a dose right now, I think that’ll help me focus.” Alastor tried, looking hopeful at the TV demon. Vox sighed and ran a hand down his screen, snapping at one of his assistants who immediately dropped what they were doing and looked up. 

“Get me some PCP, right now.” He ordered, pointing at the demon, who scampered off to fetch the drugs. 

“Take five.” Vox said, turning to the actors. 

Alastor smiled hopefully, the demon holding him upright dropping him to the bed roughly, and with little care. He sat up when the demon came back, handing Vox a syringe. He snatched it and handed it to the deer, prepped and ready to be injected. Alastor accepted it eagerly, swinging his legs over the bed. 

“Just hurry up so we can get rolling.” Vox grumbled, sitting down in his chair and picking the scrip up from the floor. 

Alastor stuck the needle into his arm and sighed softly, feeling the hot liquid coursing through his veins. He dropped the needle aside, an imp rushing to pick it up as soon as it fell to the floor. After a few second Alastor felt the drugs taking an effect, making him smile softly. 

“Okay, finally, let’s get started.” Vox said, waving his hand to motion for the actors to come back into the scene. 

“Ready, and... _action_.”

“You did good today, baby, I gotta admit. But you still failed to get me that money, so you’ll be making that up again tomorrow.”

Alastor nodded from where he sat on Vox’s lap, his ears down. He felt a bit buzzy and light headed from the drugs still in his system, his body feeling heavy as he eyes swam with bright colors. 

“I’m going to have to punish you, though. Or else you’ll never learn, will you? You disobey, you get hurt, I promise you that, and I keep my promises. 

Even in his high Alastor felt panic flood his body, he shifted in Vox’s lap, his body shaking in light tremors. He knew what was coming, Vox would hurt him and throw him to the streets to make up what he missed. He hated everything about the pimps stupid rules and promises, because he always ended up hurt and tired, even if he was good. He was his bosses money maker, his punching bag, his stress ball. Whenever Vox got mad Alastor would be called into his dingy office, and he dreaded every second of it. Vox pushed him off his lap as he stood, grabbing the back of Alastor’s crimson crop top and pushing him onto the desk forcefully. 

“You see what you make me do? You force my hand, Bambi, you did this to yourself.” Vox growled into his ears, his large screen the only thing keeping the dim room lit. The overlord pressed up against Alastor, grinding up against the deer, his hand traveling down his thigh, the lace up leather pants he was where giving him access to his exposed skin, making him shiver. 

He knew better than to fight back, he had before and he’d gotten punished for it, and it ended up much worse. His mind was still fuzzy, his vision full of bright colors swimming across his eyes, and his ears buzzed, making him feel numb. His head felt like it was full of cotton and his limbs felt limp as Vox continued to grind against him. Alastor felt like vomiting, but he bit his lip and breathed in the sharp smell of Vox’s cologne through his nose, eyes welling up with tears he couldn’t control. 

He tried his best to hold them back, looking up as best he could to keep the tears in. He knew if Vox saw he was crying he’d hurt him more. His mind was foggy and he felt the TV reach down to the hem of his pants, one hand pulling them down and the other running up his chest, his hand cold on Alastor’s warm body, making his breath hitch. 

“Good boy..” Vox purred lowly, smirking down at the deer. Alastor grimaced as Vox removed his leather pants, touching him in places that made him squirm. Vox saw and grabbed his side aggressively, pinching him mercilessly, making Alastor yelp. “Don’t move.” Vox growled, his hands not lessening, grip tight. Alastor felt the tears run down his cheeks despite his attempts to keep them in. Vox pulled the deer up by the hair, pulling hard, dragging him to the other side of the room to the gross leather couch, tossing him onto it like he was a rag doll. He would definitely have bruised all over his body later, and even though he knew it was a bad thought, he was glad, because when Vox would hurt him and his injuries were visible, he didn’t have to work at the studio until he had healed. 

The overlord pulled his laced leather pants off completely and wrapped a hand around his neck, the other hand reaching up to take his shirt off. 

Alastor yelped as he felt hot pain on his sides. Vox was digging his fingers into his hips, and he could feel the warm blood running down his thighs and fresh tears stung his eyes as he whimpered in agony. 

“Shut up!” Vox yelled, letting go to take his own clothes off. 

The overlord didn’t bother prepping before he pushed into the deer, making Alastor gasp as he felt white hot pain, his vision swimming with bright shapes and colors, almost like tv static filling his eyes. His ears rang as he felt Vox pound into him, his grip returning to his bleeding hips making Alastor cry out despite himself. Vox growled and grabbed his ear, pulling aggressively, making the deer sob in pain. He took a sharp breath to keep any other noises from coming out, the drugs no longer numbing the pain. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want any of this. It felt awful, gross, he could handle porn, or a random rump, but this was overwhelming, most times he was giving the option, but never with Vox, it was never consensual with Vox. He felt more warm blood roll down his thighs, being painfully aware that this blood wasn’t from the wounds on his hips, but from the TV demons aggressive pounding. 

More tears ran down his face as he felt his vision darken, the colors fading and head foggy, and limbs limp, leaving him helpless to the overlords abuse. Good. At least he wouldn’t be awake to feel it. He felt his remaining consciousness leave him as his vision went black, his body heavy as he slumped against the couch, Vox never relenting. 

“Wake up.” Vox growled, slapping Alastor aggressively. He awoke with a start, his whole body sore and aching. He felt nauseous, gross and oddly sticky,

He opened his eyes to find himself in Vox’s limo, parked on the side of the road. 

“Get out.” Vox said, opening the door and pushing the deer out forcefully, slamming it shut, rolling the windows down. Alastor fell out with a thud and groaned, his head pounding and backside sore, his sides stinging horribly. 

“You’d better make me some money tomorrow, or you’ll get it worse.” He said, rolling window up, the limo driving off. 

Alastor lay there on the sidewalk, trying to process what was happening, his mind still foggy and slow. 

Slowly he stood up, wobbly. He could barely stand, his whole body shaking badly. He felt awful, his head hurt, his sides Hurt, he was thrown out of Vox’s limo like garbage and Alastor didn’t even know where he was. 

He looked around, the city dark as he processed his surroundings. Yes, he knew where he was, he was lucky Vox didn’t dump him at a random place, or he’d be screwed. He just wanted to go home, back to his room and the hotel and sleep forever, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He’d have to work Tomorrow at the crack of dawn just to make enough money to keep Vox off him. He didn’t know if he could handle that again... he leaned heavily on the building and sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly, his limbs barely cooperating. 

He slid down the side of the dirty building and pulled his knees up. He knew it was dangerous to stay out in this part of town at whoever time it was; late, he knew- but he was too tired to walk to the hotel, his body hurt badly and he knew he couldn’t make it, so he’d decided he’d just stay here, and work as soon as people started driving by. Who cares if he was hurt? It didn’t matter at this point. He could still work, it’d just hurt extremely, he could handle that. At least it would mean he wouldn’t have to put up with  _ that _ again. 

He rested his head in his arms, propped up by his knee, body trembling in the cold of the hell night, the sky a deep dark red and the streets dimly lit by the weak street lamps. He just wanted to curl up in bed with his pig, fat nuggets, and sleep, take a nice warm shower and relax, but this was hell, and he learned right away you never got the things you wished for. This is what he deserved, and he would just have to put up with it, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	3. Breathe with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been a while since I updated this one too, whoops

As soon as the sky started brightening, turning from a deep crimson to a vibrant red, Alastor stood up. He’d have to go get cleaned up a bit before he got to work, nobody would want him if he was covered in blood and semen. He limped back to the hotel, having regained a little bit of energy from sitting at the corner all night, even though he didn’t get a lick of sleep. He didn’t get a chance to asses his injuries yet, but he assumed he’d get that chance when he got info the shower to scrub his skin raw. He sighed. _Almost there..._

“Okay, I’m really worried now, what if something happened to him? He’s our only patient and he’s missing! What will we do?” Vaggie said, dragging her hands down her face with a frown. Charlie shook her head. “I’m sure he’s fine, this is Alastor, the guy can take a lot.”

“Interesting that your only concerned about the pornstars whereabouts because he’s your only patient.” Angel said, smirking at the women.

“That’s not true! I care about his wellbeing, too!” Vaggie defended, shaking her head. “Well-“ There was a thump at the front door, interrupting the spider overlord. “What was that?” Vaggie asked, looking at the two. Angel sighed and walked over to the door, swinging it open eccentrically, a smile on his face, only for it to fall off when a a red demon basically collapsed onto him, making him grab the form and step back, confused. “What in the...” Vaggie gasped. “Oh my gosh! That’s Alastor!” She ran over to the demon in Angels arms worriedly, Charlie following cautiously behind. The deer demon was in bad shape, he was bruised on every bit of exposed skin, the crop top he was wearing showing off bloody wounds on his sides, the blood having dried, leaning behind stained skin, bruises and cuts were littered across his midriff, his laced leather pants showing blood had been running down his legs, he had a large bruise on his cheek, and his hair was ruffled up, his eyeliner running down his cheeks and his eyebrows scrunched up in discomfort. “Oh my...” The deer seemed to be unconscious, his breathing soft, but even so, Angel could feel the tremors running down his thin frame. He might not care for the demon that much, but Angel wasn’t completely heartless; it was clear he was in a lot of pain, and would likely be so for a while. He picked the smaller demon up bridal style, keeping in mind his various injuries. “We should get him upstairs.” Angel said, looking at the two worried women. “Yes, I’ll get the first aid kit.” Charlie said, walking off to get what she needed. Angel nodded and went upstairs, Alastor’s head leaning on his chest. He was cold, and smelt of blood. Now that the spider had a better view of the deers face, he could see the bruise on his cheek was in the shape of a hand, the area around it quite red. Once Angel got to the pornstars room he set him on his bed carefully just as Charlie and Vaggie walked in with the first aid kit and various other things like towels and water for the deers wounds. “Okay, we need to take his clothes off.” Charlie said, walking to his closet to get more sleep appropriate clothing for the porn actor. She pulled out a crimson sweater and some underwear, not finding anything he could wear for bottoms. “How?” Vaggie asked, brows creased in worry. “Well, to respect his privacy I’ll just use magic to change his clothes, from what I can see the only serious wounds seem to be on his sides, see?” Charlie answered, pulling the deers leather laced pants down a bit to expose the angry red wounds. “The rest we’ll fix when he’s awake.” Charlie got to work, wiping the dried blood away carefully, disinfecting the wounds and wrapping them in gauze, Pausing when she cleaned his arms to stare at a few suspicious marks along his wrist. She continued without voicing her thoughts, stepping back once she was done and snapped audibly, changing the deers clothes to the ones she’d picked out earlier. “Alright. Now we’ll wait till he wakes up.” She said, admiring her work. “Do you think he’ll be okay?” Vaggie asked worriedly, looking up at Charlie and Angel. “I’m sure he’ll be fine toots, he’s probably gone through worse, I mean- he _is_ dead.” He said with a chuckle, motioning to the demons sleeping form. Vaggie frowned at that, and Charlie glared at him disapprovingly. “Well since your going to be a jackass you can stay and watch him.” Charlie said, pointing an accusatory finger at the spiders fluffy chest, partially exposed from his open suit. “Why does anyone need to stay? He’s an adult, I’m sure he can handle himself when he’s conscious.” The mob boss deflected, crossing both pairs of arms. Charlie sighed, a bit irritated, but relented, nodding a bit and turning to her positive girlfriend. “Fine. Let’s get back to work, then.” The three made their way downstairs, Angel being the last one out. He held his hand in the door knob and looked at the sleeping demon. Hesitantly, he walked back in, making sure the girls were gone first, and stood by the bed. It was odd how he felt _compelled_ to stay, but knew he wouldn’t. He covered the demon up with his bright red blankets and flicked on the bedside lamp on his nightstand, just so he wouldn’t awake in the dark. Angel could still see the tremors racking his thin frame. Withdrawal, probably. The overlord sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair and looking at the pig in the corner, who was starring at him with its beady black eyes. He noticed it’s food bowl was lacking, a few crumbs left at the bottom of the small dish. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to feed the piglet, after all, it’s owner certainly couldn’t. He snapped, filling the bowl with food he assumed pigs ate, the pig squealing happily and digging into the bowl. Angel smiled, feeling accomplished. With another sigh he walked out the door, closing it behind him and making his way downstairs. It was still quite early into the morning, and there was a lot of work that needed to be done today.

Alastor opened his eyes slowly, blearily and stinging at the light in the room. It wasn’t bright, but he still needed to adjust. Slowly, his senses came back to him one at a time. He saw his bedroom, first, his ears ringing in the darkly lit quarters. Then he smelt the sweet scent of his perfume, like strawberries as sugar, which normal he would be all over, but his pounding headache and sensitive stomach said otherwise. The smell was almost pungent, making him nauseous. Slowly, his hearing came back, no longer ringing. He heard sounds downstairs, talking and such, and he heard the sound of his Small radio, crackling with static pops as it tuned to a random station at a low volume, as well as his pet pig oinking at him, trying and failing to get onto the bed with its owner. Alastor would pick the pig up, if only another sense hadn’t come back. He felt the sheets under his fingers, the blanket covering his damaged skin. He felt how sore his body felt, how stiff. His head felt like it’d been shot, a splitting headache making him groan softly. His sides ached horribly, and his cheek stung, his every move sheer agony. At least he wasn’t in those restricting clothes anymore, not quite remembering when he had gotten changed, or really anything after Vox had tossed him onto the streets.

Slowly, after he’d gotten his breathing under control he sat up, inhaling sharply at the pain that shot up his spine. Vox has _not_ been kind last night, if his nether regions had anything to say about that. His pig squealed upon seeing him sit up, and despite the immense pain he was in, he reached down and lifted nuggets up, setting the pig down gently. “Hey nuggets, miss me? I missed you too.” He said hoarsely, clearing his throat. The pig nuzzled you against his bruised chest and Alastor smiled. He loved his pet, the little piglet was one of the only good things he got out of his relationship with Vox. He was happy nuggets didn’t have to stay at the studio, as husk would watch him when he was out, feeding him and such. The pig stared up at him as if trying to tell him something. “What?” The deer asked, his ears flicking curiously. The pig only oinked, looking up at him. Listening. “Sorry I left ya alone for so long, nuggets, I just got real busy.. you know how Vox gets.. I really dont like working for him sometimes...” he was confiding in a pig, and Alastor felt pathetic and alone, but there was no one else he could talk to. Well, he guessed there _were_ options, but his pride got in the way of that. He sighed, laughing at his own inner turmoil bitterly, a sad smile on his face. “God it hurts _so_ _much_..” he mumbled brokenly, pulling the pig into his arms and hugging it, tears running down his bruised cheeks. He didn’t know how long he could last, everything just felt so overwhelming, and he didn’t know if he could take it. He knew Messing up would only cause him more pain, but how was he supposed to avoid that if messing things up was all he was good at? He ruined Vaggie’s interview, he screwed up his shoot, And he couldn’t even get enough money to keep Vox satisfied. He’d alaways mess things up and get punished for it, there was no avoiding it. He was stuck in an endless loop of pain and suffering, and no amount of piggy cuddles and PCP could help him cope.

  
“Rooms 226 and 227 are cleaned and ready for the new residents.” Husk said, walking up to Vaggie with a smile. “That’s great! Thank you so much husk!” She turned to the two demons who just checked in- a lanky bird demon and a tall lizard like demon. “Nifty will give you your room keys, feel free to make yourself at home!” Vaggie said cheerily, nifty handing them their keys. She waved to them as they walked up the stairs and to their new rooms. She turned to Charlie and squealed happily, bouncing on her heels. “Isn’t this awesome?” She said, smile growing larger by the second. Charlie smiled back at her holding her hands as she expressed her joy. “It is. I told you people would come, we just had to wait.”   
“So, ah- who’s gunna check on the pornstar?” Angel said, pointing to the stairs with a smirk. Alastor walked down the steps, trying his best to walk off the pain, and even though he was hardly limping, bitting his lip as he winced in pain, they knew his injuries were far worse than what could be seen. “Alastor, what are you doing? Your hurt!” Vaggie said, worry lacing her tone as she ran to the deer and held his arm. He pulled away aggressively and glared at her harshly. “I’m perfectly fine, I’ve gotta work.” He said, walking to the door. Angel waved his hand and the doors locked just as Alastor reached for the knob. “What did you- what the _hell_?” He groaned, glaring at the overlord. “Look, I got a quota to hit, and if I don’t Ill be fucked, _literally_.-“ Angel grimaced at the statement, leaning back on the bar with his top pair of arms, the bottom pair crossed. “-so if you’d please, I need to go, right now.”

“Look, Alastor if you weren’t in such bad shape _maybe_ we’d let you go, but your in no condition to do... your work.” He scoffed, turning to look at Vaggie as she spoke. “I’m fine! Just a few bruises, nothing I can’t handle-“

“Your not leaving.” Charlie interrupted, looking fierce.

“But-“

“How much money do you need?” Angel asked, face blank. “I- uh, what?” The deer stuttered, not expecting such a question. “How much do you need?” “...500 dollars.” Angel snapped and a stack of cash appeared in the deer demons hands. His mouth hung open as he stared in shock and confusion.   
“O-oh...” “Now you’d not need to go out. Problem solved, everyone happy?” Vaggie smiled and nodded, Saying a thank you and walking back to Charlie, who only nodded in agreement, still looking a little skeptical, not trusting that the deer wouldn’t just try and sneak out either way. “You should go back you your room, Al. Do you have any other injuries we should know about before you head up?” Vaggie asked, brow creased. He thought about it. He certainly did, but they were not the kind of injuries he wanted all of them to know about. He shook his head and sighed, heading to the stairs defeatedly, cash in hand. “Okay, now that that’s down and over with, why don’t we start the paper work for the two new residents, hm?”

Alastor didn’t head to his room, instead he kept walking, past his door and into the elevator, pressing the button to close the door and the floor he wanted to go to. He reached into the pocket of his baggy sweater and pulled out the wad of cash Angel had given him. He didn’t even have to do anything, and he just _handed_ it to him, not even a BJ! He put the money back in his pocket and pulled out a couple of painkillers he had in his pants pocket. He took five and swallowed them dry, leaving three for later. He knew he couldn’t overdose In hell, at least not fatally, he’d tried. _Multiple times_. Of course, he’d passed out for a few days, but he woke up groggily, still intact. It was dangerous, yes, and he could end up comatose or something, but he honestly didn’t care. The last time he’d overdosed, Vaggie found him and made him get his stomach pumped, and that wasn’t fun. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Alastor walked out, not limping to much as the pills started to take effect. It was no angel dust, but it’d have to do. The deer had taken the elevator to the roof, the hell air thick, a crimson red, the bright pentagram in the blood red sky lighting up the city’s neon skyscrapers and eccentric studios and dirty buildings, brothels and bars on every street corner. Alastor sighed and sat near the edge on the hotels roof, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands, the wind blowing through his hair, making his fluffy ears sway. He took a deep breath, his chest aching in dull pain as he did so. He looked up to the sky with glossy eyes, squinting at the little white dot in the air. He assumed that was heaven, yet another place he didn’t belong. Though that thought sadden him a little bit, he knew it was true. What were Vaggie and the princess thinking? He couldn’t be redeemed, this whole project was a clown show, but staying here, despite the withdrawal and all the rules, it was nice.. he liked it here, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

Too lost in his thoughts, the deer didn’t notice the door to the roof opening and closing, his ears twitched at the sound of footsteps. Though he was aware now, He was slow to respond, and a strong hand rested on his shoulder. He jumped, Lying on his back and rolling on his side, getting to his knees then his feet as quickly as he could, ears perked and alert and eyes wide. “Relax, it’s just me.” Angel said with a smirk, holding his hands up. Alastor chuffed, looking frazzled. “Uh- _yeah_ , that part of the problem!” The overlord rolled his eyes and scoffed, turning to face the city. “What were you doing up here?” The mob boss asked, not taking his gaze off the slowly darkening sky. Alastor didn’t relax in the slightest, still feeling wary. “I didn’t want to go to my room.” He supplied, not elaborating further than that. Angel turned to face him now, a knowing look on his features. He looked Alastor up and down.  
The deer was shaking, he looked a bit out of it, his ears back in an odd position and his pupils were dilated. “Your going through withdrawal.” He stated, stepping forward.

“Yeah, wassit to you?” The deer snapped shakily, body trembling and fingers twitching, his words came out quickly, slurred together like he was drunk. “Withdrawal symptoms can be overwhelming and painful, I would know, I’ve been through it, I understand how your might feel paranoid or disoriented, but your not taking the correct steps to properly deal with these feelings-“ “What do you know? You don’t know what I’m doing in my free time, so go fuck yourself and leave me alone!” The deer shouted, glaring harshly at the spider. Angel narrowed his eye and stepped forward, grabbing the demons arm and pulling him into the elevator. “Wha- hey! Let me go!” Alastor’s hand was cold, and his fingers twitched in the spiders grip. The deer demon tried to fight back but ultimately gave up, slumping against the wall of the lift, sliding down with a defeated sigh. Angel never relented his hold on him, grip tight as the deer sat, his arm being pulled up uncomfortably. The doors opened and Angel stepped out, pulling the deer softy, as not to hurt him further. He wanted to pull the deer up forcefully, his childish display irritating him, but if he hurt the pornstar Vaggie and Charlie would talk his ears off about hurting their patients. “Get up. I’m going to help you.” “ _Why_?” Alastor asked, with far more venom than strictly necessary. “Get up and I’ll tell you.” Alastor stood, with a little help from Angel, and walked out of the metal box, the doors closing as they stepped away.

“Look, I hate to admit this, but it isn’t fun seeing someone suffer through something you went through yourself. I know the pain and the thoughts, and it makes me feel like shit knowing that there’s someone going through that same exact thing, even if it is someone as annoying and utterly inappropriate as you.”

“Gee, thanks, _friend_.” Alastor mumbled sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to help you but you’ve got to cooperate.” Alastor didn’t respond, pulling his arm away from the spider and crossing his arms, turning and walking down the hall to his bedroom. “Whatever.” He mumbled as he opened his door, slamming it shut without another word. Angel sighed irritatedly, pinching his eyebrows together.   
He didn’t know why the slut was so intriguing to him. He found he related to him in some form or another, with the drugs and such, not anything else. The deer was annoying and, in bad taste, horse shit to deal with, but he was also suffering with something that could be helped, and help he would get, because Angel knew how to deal with stubborn people who thought they never needed help. He knew it was okay to ask for help, nobody can go through their life without asking for help, and even those who were Reluctant Eventually asked for help. Angel stuck his hand into his dark pink trouser pockets and walked down the stairs, whistling the tune of a song he had heard a while back. 

Alastor didn’t think the overlord was being serious. Of course, help _would_ be nice, and it was even better the handsome mob boss was offering it. Alastor wasn’t afraid to admit he might have a thing for the spider overlord, he was afraid what would happen if it had gotten out. Vox didn’t like it when he developed crushes, and he was 100 percent sure the spider has no interest in him whatsoever. Of course he wouldn’t, why would he fall for someone like him? He was a pornstar, a slut, a mindless rump only to be used once then thrown out when he’s served his purpose. He was an object, owned by an overlord, he couldn’t make his own decisions, not big ones, he only had he thoughts, and imagination. He wished for something that was impossible everyday, and not one of those billion wishes had came true. What he wanted or how he felt didn’t matter, not in hell. He slid down his door, pulling his knees to his chest and covering his face with his hands. Fat nuggets trotted over to its distraught owner and nudged him. Alastor looked down and smiled. He inhaled. Deep breath in- Exhaled. Deep breath out- Repeat. “It’s okay. I’m fine nuggs, come’ere” he pulled the pig into his lap and scratched under its chin, the piglet oinking happily at the affection. Alastor let out a soft snicker, closing his burning eyes. Breathing made his body ache less. He decided not to take the remainder of his pain pills, even though the effects of the other ones were dulling. He’d handle it.

Inhale Exhale

Inhale Exhale

Alastor ran his fingers along his pets back, tears falling down his cheeks, despite not feeling that sad. He smiled at the pig, who stared up at him adoringly. Alastor giggled, his voice just above a whisper.

“ _Breath with me_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	4. Melancholic Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor begins to notice he’s detaching from himself, mentally and physically.

“Hey husker~” Alastor said suggestively, walking over to the cheery cat cleaning the countertop in the kitchen. 

“Morning Al.” The cat said, not looking up. The deep voiced feline was usually very chipper, but it wasn’t uncommon to for him to get irked easily. As for Nifty, she was always mad. Still, if Alastor had to choose who to bug, it’d be husk. 

He leaned over and pressed up against the winged cat, making him jump and bristle. 

“Do you need something?” Husk asked hastily, face red. 

“Mm you-“

The cat pushed the deer away, wings flared. 

“No thanks. Not in a million years.”

Alastor pouted before smirking and pushing Himself up to sit on the counter. 

“But your saying there is a chance.” He remarked smugly, leaning over husk. 

“Do you actually need something or are you just going to pester me? I’ve got things to do today.” Husk said, turning away. 

Alastor frowned with a sigh. He wanted a long term distraction, and Husky wasn’t providing. He could go talk to niffty, but she would just tell him to fuck off, and he really didn’t want to go to Vaggie, because she’d make him do something stupid to help “redeem” him. Charlie wouldn’t care about his quest of obstruction, or anything else for that matter... There was always Angel, but he was pretty sure the overlord was busy doing.. whatever it is he did on a normal weekday. 

He shrugged. 

“I dunno. A hug would be nice.” He sighed, his response only half and actual request. To his surprise, husk turned around, his wings folded back up against his back, his arms outstretched. 

Alastor looked up dumbfounded, frozen for a second. 

“Seriously?”

Husk nodded, smiling a little. Bless this cheerful kitty cat. Alastor grinned softly, genuinely. When was the last time he’d gotten an actual hug? Vaggie hugged him a few days ago, but that was hardly a hug, more of a quick squeeze. He jumped off the counter and collapsed into the cats fluffy chest with a content sigh, raking his hands through the fur on his neck with a smile. Husk hugged him back, holding him firmly. Alastor pushed his face into the crook of his neck for a few seconds, feeling a bit shaky. 

“..thanks Kitty...” he mumbled with a hum, pulling away. 

“Now I’m going, don’t bug me for a least the rest of today, okay?” 

Alastor nodded, a bit disappointed the hug didn’t last as long as he had originally wanted, but he didn’t want it to get awkward.  


Honestly, he wouldn’t mind curling up with someone and staying like that for a whole week, but no one would do that. People only wanted him for appearances, for sex, nothing else. 

He stretched and slapped a fake smile on his face, trying to look nonchalant. 

“You got it, mittens.” He said. Husk made a face and shook his head a bit at the nickname. 

“Don’t call me that.” He said before exiting the kitchen. 

Alastor sighed again, running his hand through his hair. It was a bit of a tick now, and he couldn’t stop himself from doing it reflexively.

A few days ago, him and angel had a talk. He didn’t want to look further into why the overlord wanted to help him, knowing that it was probably for a bad reason, despite him saying it was in good intentions only.  
He had trust issues, okay? I mean, could you blame him? All his life he’d been pushed around, told what to do, then was thrown out into the real world, with no instructions, no one to guide him, or tell him what to do.. everyone turned their back on him so he turned to the only thing he _did_ know, and in doing that he screwed his life up, including, but not limited to, his entire afterlife. 

His wrists itched but he ignored it, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black skinny jeans. It was a little trick Vaggie had taught him whenever he got urges. It helped most of the time, and he was grateful the moth even cared in the first place. 

His body still ached, and the bruises and cuts on his body hadn’t healed completely, so Vox told him to stay away from the studio until they had healed. He was lucky for that, he supposed- and Angel continued to supply him with enough cash to make the TV overlord happy without him having to go out and make it himself. He would be endlessly grateful, if he wasn’t apathetic half his afterlife.

  
He walked out of the kitchen, ears twitching as he listened to Vaggie chatting away to her girlfriend and Angel about business plans. He tried his best to sneak out without catching the trios attention, managing to get to the door when Angel snapped and locked it, making him jump. 

“Where are you going prancer?” He chuckled, waving his hand around as he talked. 

“dont call me that, and is’ none of your business, so lay off.” He spat, glaring at the tall arachnid. 

Angel held his hands up in mock defense, smirk still on his face. 

“Relax, you can go, I was kidding. “ 

The door unlocked and the deer stared at it for a second suspiciously, looking back at the girls who shrugged. 

“You can go, Al. Just don’t do anything bad and be home before it gets too late.” Vaggie said, smiling and making a shooing motion with her left hand, the other holding her girlfriends. Charlie nodded stiffly, not quite agreeing or trusting the deer.

“Uh, okay...” he reached for the door when it locked again, making him growl and turn sharply at Angel. 

“Ah ah ah- you have to tell us where your going first.” Angel said smugly, leaning back on the bar. 

“I don’t gotta tell you shi-“

“Language!” Vaggie interrupted. 

“Where are you going?” Charlie finally spoke, giving Alastor a look that held no leniency. He sighed, deciding to just answer her quickly so he could leave. 

“Oh y’know, thought I’d go for a walk or something..”

“What are you going to do?” 

He shrugged. “I dunno, I’ll see when I get there” Charlie narrowed her eyes suspiciously, shifting to one leg with her hand on her hip. “Get where?”

“...”

“You know what I’m going to do.”

“Dammit Alastor-“

“Bye darlings!”

“Alastor!”

The door was left unlocked, so Alastor grabbed it as fast as he could, swinging it open and sprinting out before the spider could use anymore magic. _God_ , he was _tired_. 

  
  
He stopped when he was a couple blocks away from the hotel.

What was he going to do? Hell if he knew. He felt so locked up in that shitty cesspool of his own misery, he just needed to get out. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed, looking around the red landscape of pentagram city. The Neon lights that lit everything up used to give him headaches whenever he’d look at them, but right now, it didn’t hurt. Weird. 

“Hey cutie~ wanna have a good time?” A gross lizard looking demon asked in a rough voice, raking his hands through Alastor hair. He sneered, stepping back. 

“No thanks, I’m off the clock, go find someone else to get your dick wet.” He said snarkily, continuing his walk. 

The demon didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, instead growling and pulling the deer harshly by the arm into his chest, breathing down his neck. Alastor grimaced as something hard pushed into his side. Suddenly he felt nauseous. He didn’t want to do this. 

“Sorry baby, _I_ _need_ _this_..” 

Alastor elbowed the lizard in the stomach and pushed him to the ground, kicking him in his groin and stepping on his chest. He pulled out a pocket knife and held it to the demons neck, ignoring his wheezing apologies and pleads. 

In the distance Alastor heard crashing and a loud explosion, followed by several loud gunshots making him freeze for a second. His smile morphed into something far more sinister. He knew who that was. Without a second of hesitation he slit the demons throat and flipped the knife closed, stuffing it back into his pocket and wiping his hands, not giving the other demons around him any mind. His best friend was near, and you bet your ass he was going to find her. This was _exactly_ what he needed!

Rosie kicked the last demon to the floor and shot them straight through the head, standing back up straight and huffing. What fun. 

“Rosie!” 

She heard the familiar deers voice and looked to her side, smiling as Alastor walked up to her.

”Allie!”

“Don’t tell me you’ve finished?” He asked. 

“Sorry love, maybe next time.”

“That’s okay! Boy, have I been dying to see you, I’ve got so much to tell you!”

Rosie laughed and strapped her gun back to her hip, walking over the dead bodies to a slightly cleaner area. 

“You’d better have! I’ve been worried, I hadn’t heard from you in days!”

She lead him down the street, near a few strip clubs and bars. They walked into a popular pub and sat down at the counter, ordering their drinks to continue talking. 

“So, tell me all about it.” She said, fixing her hair a bit. 

”it’s been really hectic, after that crappy news thing Vaggie pulled they’ve been really coming down hard on me, not to mention that spider man who’s “helping out”” he rolled his eyes and raised his hands to emphasize his air quotes, grabbing his drink as the bartender slide them across the counter and taking a tentative sip.   
  
“oh I think your being a drama queen, who cares if you have some mob boss overlord breathing down your neck, you’ll pull through.” Rosie laughed and grabbed her drink as well, sipping and setting the glass down in her line of sight, not trusting anyone in the bar.

”honestly, I wish I had some interesting stories, but I’ve just been stuck inside. I figured it’d do me some good to get out.”alastor explained, waving his hand and finishing off the rest of his drink.

“Same here, of course we don’t mind a few turf wars every now and again, right Allie?”

Alastor opened his mouth to reply when his jaw dropped, his ears falling back against his head. _Oh no._

“What? Allie?”

She turned around and cursed, grabbing Alastors hand and dragging him away when the tall TV overlord stopped them. 

“My my, what do we have here, hm?”

Alastor felt his chest tighten and he swiftly turned around with a loose smile, eyes half lidded, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Beside him Rosie huffed and hooked her arm with his, pulling him back a bit. Vox smirked and leaned down a bit to Alastors level. 

“You’d better enjoy your few days off, Bambi. Because when your back on set, we aren’t going to let you slack off.”

He spat his words, laced with venom, making the deer cringe. He averted his gaze and looked around the bar, noticing that most demons inside were gone. Some were still inside, staring at the threatening display. In the dark corner of the pub he saw something move. Was it his shadow? Impossible, there was no light behind him... in this moment he suddenly felt a burst of an emotion he wasn’t used too. He felt cold, and his heart slowed down, his breathing getting heavier. He felt tired- no, exhausted. He looked up at the overlord, watching his virtual mouth move as he spoke, but Alastor heard nothing. He didn’t care. He didn’t care what Vox was saying, because he was too tired, he had nothing to look forward to, and nothing to achieve, so why did it matter? After a few seconds of this he felt immense sadness take over, and he curled in on himself a little. He felt Rosie tighten her grip on his arm but he was to tired to pay it any mind. His heart picked up speed again and his breathing got quicker, making his hearing come back full force. 

He was knocked out of his odd apathetic trance as Vox raised his hand and lifted the pornstars chin. He smiled wickedly, running a gloved thumb along his bottom lip. Alastor flinched at the touch, but Vox didn’t pull away.

“You’d better be _real_ good baby.. I’m expecting a _lot_ from you.”

With that he leant back snickered to himself. Alastor felt his heart hammering in his chest, making his fingers twitch and throat close up. 

That was enough for Rosie. She growled and rushed over to Vox’s slowly retreating form, pulling out her gun and pushing it against his back roughly. 

“Listen you twat, I’m not going to let you screw around with my friend like that-“

Before the woman could even blink there were long wires wrapping around her arms and waist, making her jump. She huffed and squirmed in the tight grasp just as she was shocked by the electrical wires. She screamed and all of the people still in the bar scurried to the back, leaving Alastor to stand alone, frozen in fear and shock. Vox snapped and the wires retreated just as quickly as they had appeared, letting Rosie drop her gun, the weapon falling to the ground with a clatter as she slumped to the floor limply. Alastor blinked and rushed over, mumbling his apologies frantically. He lifted her into his arms rather awkwardly as her eyes opened slowly. She groaned and Alastor winced. 

Vox turned around, the clicking of his shoes hitting the tiled floor made the deer look up, shaking. 

“Keep your “ _friends_ ” away from me, slut.” He ground out, turning around and leaving the bar. The tense room seemed to relax a little at his departure, but Alastor was still brimming with anxiety and fear. This was all his fault, he should have just stayed inside and locked himself away in his room, then Rosie would be okay, why did everything he’d do always end up a horrendous mess? He was so stupid, so dumb, so-

“Allie? Are you okay?”

He looked down and noticed Rosie sitting up, using his arms for leverage. He stood and helped her up, watching carefully in case she fell again. She dusted herself off with a small huff and looked up at him. 

“Oh, I- I thought.. I’m so sorry I got you hurt.”

He apologized, running a hand down his face. 

“I didn’t think he would show up, I just wanted to go out and hang out without anything bad happening and now-“

“Hey, relax. I’m fine, wasn’t so bad. Why don’t we head out, huh?”

He took in a breath before nodding. He needed to sleep, and he was sure his friend need to as well. It’d been a long day and he was exhausted, both physically and mentally. 

The two exited the bar, quickly looking around just in case Vox was still lingering around. After making sure the coast was clear they began the walk to Rosie’s house. 

“You know.. even if the day ended a little crappy, at least the beginning was decent, right?” Rosie said, looking at him supportively. 

He sighed, looking up at the slowly darkening sky. “Yeah. I suppose so.”

There seemed to be a weight on his chest, one that kept getting heavier each time he went out. Maybe he was tired of the same routine. Even if everyday wasn’t identical, he still did the same things, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t getting repetitive. 

Sure he loved hanging out with Rosie, and playing with nuggets and talking to husk and even Charlie and Vaggie sometimes, but he didn’t like going to work, or getting into fights on set, during filming, or... or what happened _after_ filming... he didn’t like getting high, or over-drinking, he didn’t like the constant reminder of his death, of his mistakes.

Every night after work he overdoses, purely because as a demon, he can’t die from simple drugs. He liked blacking out for a few hours, he liked not remembering what happened during his temporary coma, because knowing what happened hurt, a lot more then any holy weapon would.

But... he wanted to feel safe. 

He wanted to feel safe in a place he could also be himself, not having to worry about others judgment..

He wanted to go clean, because when he was high, he didn’t feel safe. He felt paranoid, and scared, so if he was goingto be high he wanted to go all the way. He didn’t want to feel what was happening to his body, as they tore him up and pieced him back together with a few parts missing each time. One day, he’ll run out of pieces, and there’ll be nothing left. Maybe that’s a good thing, but he didn’t want to wait that long. Didn’t want to wait until the day he got all used up, no longer needed, thrown out like garbage. That would take far too long. He could take the easy way out, he could always wait till the next extermination, but...

He looked over to his side at Rosie, who was looking at her nails as she walked. The neon lights of the city illuminated her face making her face different colors as they passed each store and building. 

His friend. 

He thought back at he bar. She had risked herself just to make a point. She wasn’t dumb. No ordinary gun could stop Vox, an overlord. Still, she stood up for him. He couldn’t leave her, could he? His best friend, always there for each other. No way he could leave her hanging like that. 

He looked back ahead, noting that they had made it to her front door. 

“Okay, Allie. See you sometime later, okay?” She said, smiling. 

“Absolutely. Get some rest darling, you need it.”

She made an ‘Aw’ sound and pulled him into a quick hug, which he reciprocated. She waved goodbye and Alastor stepped back as she reached to close the door. 

He stopped. 

“Ah, wait!” 

She stood still for a second before opening the door again. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I need to tell you something” he stuttered. “But mainly because I want your advice, and maybe support.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Maybe?”

He shook his head, lifting his hands a bit and closing his eyes, furrowing his brow with an irritated smile. 

“No- yes, I just- listen.”

She shifted to lean on the door frame and Alastor looked up, taking a breath. 

“So I know I’ve told you about that overlord guy helping with the princesses hotel, I- ah I’ve talked to him a while ago..”

Rosie stood a bit straighter, her relaxed expression morphing into one of slight rage. 

“What’d he say?”

“Nothing- well no, not nothing... we talked about drugs, a-and a little bit about.. past experiences? Nothing worth noting really it’s just-“

“Spit it out already, Al!”

“I think I want to go clean!” He looked away right after he said it, his ears turning down and face heating up. There was a long silence between the two and Alastor squeezed his eyes shut, sighing softly. 

“Oh Allie, why didn’t you just say so? That’s great news!” She grabbed both his hands and grinned, making him open his eyes, smiling shakily. 

“Ah-ha.. yeah I guess it is.”

“What’s that have to do with the overlord though?”

“Oh! He’s- I think he’s willing to help me.. we sort of talked about it and... yeah..”

“I’m sure it’ll be swell! I’m so glad you’ve decided to make this step, your really growing Alastor, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

“Thanks doll, I don’t know why I was so nervous.” He laughed, letting her let his hands go and pull him in for another hug. When she stepped back she smiled warmly at him. Alastor grinned. 

“Alright then, I suppose I can let you go now.” He said, motioning to her door. 

“Goodnight darling!” He waved and Rosie waved back. “Goodnight, Alastor.”

The door clicked and Alastor paused at the front step. 

He stuck his hands in his pockets and took a few steps forward, sighing with a small smile. He stayed still for a second more before looking up and heading ho- back to the hotel. 

_ Back to the hotel... _

A dark movement beside him made the porn actor stop and look around. It was getting darker, quieter, and the darker and quieter hell got the more dangerous it was. A small shadow appeared behind him, and he looked down. That was just... him. 

It was his shadow, no big deal. 

Do shadows wave at you? 

He blinked. 

He must be high, because when he looked back, the shadow was back to normal. Odd, but he really wanted to get back. He huffed and continued his walk, suddenly feeling the same sort of apathy he had at the bar with Vox, all the while failing to notice the blue eyed shadow following close behind. 


	5. Everybody needs a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor can’t remember the last time he felt so hopeless. Maybe if he tried harder...

He took one look in the mirror and felt sick. 

This was _not_ how it was supposed to be. 

He came here in hopes of finding a way out, but instead he’d dug himself deeper into his pit of agony. He felt heat pool in his hand, sharp pain shooting up his arm. 

He supposed it wasn’t.. unexpected. This was hell after all. He wasn’t sure what made him believe that he could live a somewhat decent afterlife here. 

When he died he was scared. 

After a while, after learning how this new world worked, he grew excited. 

A new start. He could fix what he did in his living days here in hell and be happy. 

How truly,

_-Utterly_ stupid. 

Perhaps it was naive, especially when what he did on earth was far from holy. 

He didn’t understand how wrong he could be, but now..

_Now_ he knew. 

This was hell, not a restart, not a do over. This was punishment for the sins he committed while alive, and those sins and mistakes would follow him down here. How stupid did he have to be to think he could even begin to be better. His hand hurt more as he clenched it into a fist. 

He couldn’t look in the mirror, at his shattered reflection. 

“ ** _You can’t pretend what you see in your reflection is different from what you really are_** ”

_ What was that? _

“ ** _You aren’t special, your just like everyone else. Don’t try and act like your better, like you could be better_**.”

_ Why am I so scared?... _

“ _ **You’ve been scared all your life, you should be used to it by now**_.”

_ Why should I get used to being scared? _

The dark shadow like reflection of himself formed on his wall, making him flinch and look up. It was his shadow, but it looked... odd. A sentient being it seemed, and he couldn’t pretend it didn’t frighten him. 

It had blue eyes and a twisted grin. It tilted his head at him and Alastor shut his eyes tight. He raised his hands and pulled tightly on his ears, digging his fingers into them as the shadow started speaking. 

“ _ **You can’t hide from yourself. This is what you are now. You-**_ “

“Alastor.” 

He felt a sudden flush of relief pool in his gut and he let his ears go, glancing up quick enough to notice the sentient shadow fade down into his normal one. 

He took a deep breath and looked up, smiling wide. In the cracked mirror he could see his broken reflection, so he averted his gaze, instead looking behind him from the mirror. Angel stood at his door, his top pair of arms crossed over his fluffy chest and his bottom set rested on his hips, one hand still on the door knob.

How did he not hear him come in?

Whatever. He guessed he was glad he had come. He didn’t want to know what else his shadow had to say. 

“Somethings wrong.”

How insightful. 

“What is it?”

He sighed and looked down at his bloody knuckles. 

Strange how when he started thinking like this, he hadn’t realized he’d even punched the mirror on his vanity. He smiled still. 

It hurt. 

He took a sharp breath, his mind foggy and legs feeling like jello. 

He wasn’t crying this time. He’d like to think he was progressing, but he knew he’d probably just ran out of tears. 

The overlord raised an eyebrow at the lack of response so Alastor said the first thing that came to mind. Regrettably.

“Have you ever had a dream where everything’s perfect in your life, then you wake up, and it’s not?”

Unsurprisingly, the overlord didn’t reply. Alastor sighed again, waving his hand around and brushing the hair away from his eyes with his bloodied fingers. 

“Every night, I go to sleep- unwillingly of course, and have the same dream.”

He turned around to actually face the spider demon. He smiled, looking at his mess of a bed. He’d just woken up, and he really wished he hadn’t. He wished his mind would just shut down every once in a while. He thought far to much. 

“I wake up from this-this wonderful, _unbelievably_ wonderful dream, only to realize, none of its real. Because I’m in hell- _this_ is my hell.” He motioned to himself with a choked laugh. 

“I’m so tired of it, of the dreams, the wishful thinking, I just want to... “

what did he want? There were many things he wanted obviously, but only a few of those things he really did want. None of which were possible, so why couldn’t he just give that up?

He laughed bitterly, his exhaustion evident. 

“I want to be.. okay, because I am so _not_ okay. I keep telling myself I’m happy, but I don’t- I know it’s not true! I-I think that if I keep telling myself I’m happy, I’ll start to believe it too, and weirdly enough it worked. For a while at least..”

He felt light, like this wasn’t happening. Angel hadn’t said much, but his face showed he was really listening. He supposed he was glad for that. 

“It’s starting to have an opposite effect.. it’s like there’s another part of me, like half of me, and I hear it, I can _see_ it, it looks just like me... it just...”

Alastor looked off into the corner at the grinning shadow starring at him. A mirror image of himself, and only he could see it. Right? 

Angel followed the pornstars gaze and narrowed his eyes at what he saw. A shadow of the deer, but not like any shadow he’d ever seen before. What was that?

“You said you’d help me, well I’m open for help. I feel trapped, stuck, like I did something without thinking and now that I’ve thought about it I really don’t want to do it. It’s like a burning bubble in my gut that gets hotter every time I do something stupid and I just want it to stop!” He ended in a tired laugh and ran a hand through his hair, his deer like ears falling back against his head. 

“A-am I crazy?” He whimpered softly, falling to his knees with a pathetic little thud. 

Angel walked up to the porn actor slowly and looked down at him. He uncrossed his arms and rubbed his temple. He didn’t move to touch Alastor, or even comfort him verbally. He hated how that made him feel unbelievably self conscious, like he was disgusting. Like angel was too good to even try to touch filth like him. 

Finally after a few seconds the overlord spoke up.

“You aren’t crazy... I.... I know _exactly_ , what your feeling..”

Alastors breath hitched and he looked up with watery eyes. 

“Y-you do?” He asked. Angel nodded. 

“your ready for help. I’m ready _to_ help. The first step, get you away from the source of your misery-.”

Angel bent down and quickly scooped Alastor up under his arms, making the deer Yelp in surprise. He grinned sinisterly, smile curling up exposing his gums and sharp pointed teeth. 

“ ** _Vox_**.”


End file.
